What I can carry - and what I cannot
A boundary-setting worksheet for the family member coordinating care from a step removed
Republic of Ireland only · Last reviewed: 18 July 2026
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Before you begin
- A boundary is not a punishment. It is a clear statement of what you can realistically do.
- You may live further away, have a job or children, or be the person everyone rings because you answered first. This sheet helps you decide what you can offer, what needs to be shared and what needs professional support.
- This is not a mental-health assessment. If stress, low mood, anxiety or exhaustion is affecting your daily life, speak to your GP or an appropriate professional.
Checklist
1. What am I carrying now?
Prompts
Calls and messages:
Appointments and transport:
Forms, services and paperwork:
Money or household admin:
Emotional check-ins:
Tasks nobody has formally asked me to do:
The part taking the most out of me:
2. My capacity this month
Prompts
Hours per week I can reliably offer:
Days or times:
Tasks I can do remotely:
Tasks I can do in person:
Work or study time I am protecting:
My household or family time:
Rest, health or appointments:
3. Sort the next request
Questions to consider
- Is anyone in immediate danger?
- Does this require a healthcare or service professional?
- Am I the right person, or simply the person who answered?
- Can it wait until my available time?
- Who else could own or share it?
Choose the answer that fits
- Yes, I can take this
- Yes, but not until
- I can do part of it
- Someone else needs to take this
- We need outside support
4. Write the boundary before saying it
A useful structure
what I can do + what I cannot do + the next practical step
Examples in plain English
- I can make the call on Thursday. I cannot make it today. If it needs action sooner, we need someone else to take it.
- I can manage the appointment list. I cannot also provide the transport. Who can take that part?
- I am not available after 7pm for routine calls. If there is an immediate emergency, call 112 or 999. Otherwise, message me and I will reply tomorrow.
- I do not have enough information to agree to that now. Please send it in writing and I will come back to you.
Prompts
I can:
I cannot:
The next step is:
Who needs to hear it?:
When will I say it?:
5. Build a backup
Prompts
If I am unavailable, the first family contact is:
Their number:
The professional or service contact is:
Their number:
Tasks that need a new owner:
Person I can talk to outside the family:
6. Review
Prompts
Date I will review this boundary:
Is the boundary clear?:
Is it being respected?:
Is an essential care need still uncovered?:
Does that gap need family help or outside support?:
Am I repeatedly giving more than I wrote down?:
Useful contacts
Family Carers Ireland
Phone
1800 24 07 24
Important
- This resource is general information, not a medical assessment and not medical, legal or financial advice.
- For health concerns affecting you, contact your GP.
- If someone needs immediate medical help or is at immediate risk of harm, call 112 or 999.
Sources
Checked 18 July 2026. Links may change.